


Oh, Angel

by Side_effect_of_the_meds



Series: Fem!Andreil [7]
Category: All For The Game
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22059562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Side_effect_of_the_meds/pseuds/Side_effect_of_the_meds
Summary: Aaron finds out just how much his sister loves him
Relationships: Aaron Minyard & Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten & Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Fem!Andreil [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586845
Kudos: 32





	1. Can you imagine?

“I never thought Crowley and Aziraphale would ever return to Eden,” Ronnie said as the Monsters made their way to the bar. Ania smiled. Erin scowled. “Aw don’t scowl at me like that, Angel.” Ronnie barely dodged the heels Erin chucked at her. With a broad smile, Ronnie turned her attention to Aaron. “I’m sorely disappointed to see that you’re not the Archangel Micheal.” Aaron glared at her but his annoyance didn’t last. 

Aaron could never stay mad at Ronnie for long. For the longest time, Ronnie had been the only ray of sunshine in Aaron’s dreary life. The middle child and only daughter of a rich widower, Ronnie was free to do as she pleased while her father groomed her brothers to inherit his fortune. Having four brothers would be more than enough for most people but Ronnie hadn’t hesitated to adopt Aaron into her little band of miscreants. In the years before Erin’s arrival, it was Ronnie (and at times, her brothers) that had been looking out for Aaron. She was just as much his sister as Erin was. That was what made their relationship so hard for him to wrap his head around. He’d given up trying to make sense of how they could have gone behind his back like that long ago but on nights out at Eden’s he couldn't help but feel a little betrayed. 

“Earth to Mikey,” Ronnie said, waving a hand in front of his face. “Come on, we’re toasting you’re little cheerleader. To Katelyn,” Ronnie cried as she raised her own shot. “For breathing -or maybe blowing- some life into Aaron!” Aaron shrieked at the crude joke as his family laughed, downing their shots. Aaron’s brain short-circuited at the sight of Erin downing her shot to the toast. _She just wants to drink,_ Aaron told himself as he regained control of his thoughts. Curling himself into his shoulders, he stood apart as Ronnie caught up with the others. 

“Aaron,” Josten said as she nudged his foot with her boot. “Erin said to grab a table.” Aaron nodded and headed off to search for one. Despite the pounding music, he heard Josten following him. He risked a backward glance only to find her watching him. He growled but Josten’s face remained blank. _She’s been spending too much time with Eri,_ he thought as he went back to shouldering his way through the crowd. Finally he found a table in the back of the club with just enough chairs for them. Without hesitating, he sank into one only to find it covered in something sticky and white. 

“Oh Hell no,” he screamed as he leapt up. Josten peered over at his seat before doubling over in a fit of laughter. “Fuck off, Josten.” He snatched the paper towels she offered him out of her hands and did his best to clean himself off before kicking over the chair. 

“I see temper tantrums run in the family,” Josten remarked. Aaron looked over at her. She was staring out across the dancefloor, a soft smile on her face. Following her gaze, he spotted Erin flickering in and out of view from where she still stood at the bar. A pang shot through his chest. Ania looked at Erin the same way Erik looked at Nicky- the same way Katelyn looked at him. 

“Damn you, Josten,” he said, more to himself than her. 

“I’m already damned,” she replied anyway. “I’m damned to spend the rest of eternity in love with your sister but if that isn’t damnation at its best, I don’t know what is.”

The world tilted beneath Aaron’s feet. _Love._ Ania had said she loved his sister. His Erin. His Little Doe. Tears spilled from Aaron’s eyes. “If you hurt her…” he said, his voice breaking before trailing off entirely as he gulped for air. 

“She’ll kill me herself,” Ania answered easily. She reached a hand out and carefully wiped a tear from his face. “Don’t cry. Eri’ll skin me alive if you do.” 

“Does she even care?” he asked. Aaron tried to smile as he asked it but he knew it came out as more of a grimace than a smile. A wave of sadness crashed down over him at the sound of his own words. 

"Of course she cares, you cracked walnut," Josten snapped. As the strobing lights passed over her countenance Aaron could see the fury on her face. "I've only known her a year. You've known her for three? Four? How the hell can you not-" Josten stopped short. "It's because you're always drunk," she said quietly. 

"No. That's Kevin," Aaron said. 

"Whenever we're here. Whenever we go home, you're too drunk to remember." 

"Remember what?" 

Josten worried her lower lip, weighing her words "Don't drink tonight." She clamped a hand over his mouth before he could protest. "Trust me. You'll see."

"Trust a liar?" 

"I wouldn't lie about Erin." It sickened Aaron to know she was telling the truth. For the remainder of the night, to Kevin's delight, Aaron discreetly pawned his drinks off to him. Where Erin excelled at faking the drug-induced mania she’d lived with for the last two years, Aaron excelled at faking a drunken stupor. Or at least, he usually did. Keeping up the act was much harder than Aaron anticipated. He was far too preoccupied keeping an eye on his sister to fully concentrate. A few rounds in, he gave up watching her in favor of retreating to the dance floor. At least there, he wouldn’t be under her constant scrutiny. 

He was wrong. Each time the crowd parted enough for him to have a clear view of the ledge where he’d left them, he found Erin’s eyes trained on him. No matter where he went or what he did, she was watching him. Beads of sweat formed along his forehead. Had she seen through his ruse? Did she know he was faking? 

There was nothing Aaron could do now but pray. He passed the remainder of the night on the floor with Nicky. Around 11:50, Ronnie called out for the final round. Josten was by Aaron’s side in an instant. 

“Throw your legs onto Nicky’s lap in the car. And talk to Kevin about something- anything. Make him laugh.” Aaron broke his facade to shoot a confused look at her. “Just do it,” Josten pleaded. Aaron ground his teeth together as he considered his options. After a moment he gave her a sharp nod and made his way over to the counter with her to collect the final round. 

In the car ride home, Aaron did as he was told. He threw his legs over Nicky’s and leaned heavily against Kevin. Kevin wrapped an arm around Aaron, who tensed immediately. Kevin Day was not known for his compassion nor for his affection. Catching the warning look Josten shot him as she buckled her seatbelt, he forced himself to relax. For once in his life, Kevin wasn’t talking about Exy. Instead he was giving a lecture on the unabridged history of the LGBT community. Aaron tentatively slid his own commentary into the lesson. To his relief, both Kevin and Nicky laughed. He choked on the soda he was drinking when he saw the upward curl of Erin’s lips in the dashboard mirror. 

Nicky got out of the car first as it rolled to a stop on the drive. He toppled face first into the grass and laughter burst out of Aaron. He felt something pressing at his back and before he knew it, he toppled out of the car too.

“You drunk bastard,” Erin said. Aaron’s heart stopped as he rolled onto his back. Erin was standing over him, a brilliant grin plastered to her face. “That’s what you get for drinking so much” She bent down and scooped him up in an easy, obviously practiced, motion. Aaron was too shocked to say a word. 

Aaron was suddenly thirteen again. He was sitting curled up on his mother’s bed with the handset pressed to his ear. A woman's voice drifted through it. She was talking about a boy named Andrew. The woman was gushing about how happy she was to have found Erin’s birth mother, and her brother too. _Brother_ , Aaron thought. He felt his heart racing in his ribcage. _I’m- I’m a brother! A twin brother!_ Aaron had been over the moon at the very thought of meeting his sister. 

The voice of his mother sent him crashing back down to earth. She hissed at the woman to keep her fat mouth shut. She didn't want to know anything about Erin. She wanted nothing to do with her and she certainly did not want Aaron seeing her again either. She slammed the phone down so hard that Aaron jerked the phone away from his face. Silently, returned the phone to its cradle and crawled back to his own room. Drawing his legs in, he tried to hold in his grief. Hot tears streaked down his face as his shoulders shook. Anger coursed through his veins. Clenching his jaw, he unfurled himself and stalked into the kitchen. He grabbed a notebook and pen from the kitchen and ran out of the house. He raced down the block to the park. Seated at one of the picnic tables, his pen flew across the page. He wasn't quite sure what he'd written, only that he had to send it before his mother ever found out. He stopped by the fountain on his way out of the park. He would need money to send the letter. With a grimace, he peeled his shoes and socks off. Wading through the fountain, he collected every penny, nickel, and dime he could find. _This isn't stealing,_ he told himself. _They threw their money in here. Even if it is, it doesn't matter. This is for my sister. This is for Erin_.

Every day for the next two weeks, Aaron checked the mail in the hopes of finding a response to his own letter. When it came, Aaron nearly had a heart attack on the spot. He sat down on the steps in front of the house. With shaking fingers, he carefully opened the letter. A brilliant smile plastered itself across his face when he saw the chicken scratch that filled the page. It looked just like his own handwriting. Unfortunately, his smile had been quick to fade. Erin had only written back to tell Aaron that she didn’t want him around. She was more than happy to remain with Cassidy and her new brother, Drake. Aaron grabbed desperately at his chest. It felt as though some hand had forced its way into his ribcage and ripped his heart out. **New brother,** Drake. Tears fell onto the page. Ink ran, blurring the words into one another. Aaron ripped up the remnants of the letter up and hurled them in the bin. He collapsed on the kitchen floor, sobbing. _Great,_ he thought. _Fucking great. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need her . I don’t need anyone. I hope I never meet Erin or her new brother Drake_.

But Aaron had. He had been sat down across from her in a juvenile detention facility, three feet away from her, separated by a four inch pane of bulletproof glass. Looking at Erin was like looking through a funhouse mirror, it was him but something wasn’t quite right. Sure, Erin’s hair was longer than his, ending harshly at the edges of her jaw and she had a few more moles than he did but that wasn’t it. Maybe it was the seemingly permanent downwards tug of her lips. Maybe it was the bold set of her shoulders that exuded a confidence Aaron could only dream of. 

Maybe it was her eyes. They were the same brown as his but where his were full of pain and fear, hers were empty. Two empty pits stared back at him from across the table. The glass may have been designed to protect him from Erin’s fists but it did nothing to save him from her eyes. So empty. So soulless. Aaron had once heard that there had been a time when people had refused to take photos for fear that they stole the souls of the photographed. At the time, Aaron had scoffed at the people for being so stupid. Now, Aaron understood. Sitting before his sister, he feared that if he stared too long into her eyes, she might steal his to replace the one she lacked. They were so cold. So empty. So loveless. On the plane back from Cali, Aaron closed his eyes only to find his sister engraved on the back of his lids. 

Back in Columbia, Aaron stood before Nicky’s full length mirror. He’d tugged a skull cap down over his head. His bangs poked out from beneath, matching Erin’s to a T. He blinked and it really was Erin staring back at him in the mirror. Reaching a hand out, he traced a finger down her cheek. Her cold eyes stared back at him and realized why he couldn’t look directly at them. They were their mother’s eyes. When Tilda Minyard wasn’t drunk or high, she was empty. 

There wasn’t very much Aaron knew about his father other than the fact that his mother had eloped with him once she’d learned of her pregnancy. Tilda was three and a half months pregnant when Micheal Minyard died in a car crash. Depression coaxed Tilda back into old habits that Micheal had helped her break. She began drinking and chain smoking despite the twins she bore within her. Both twins were born with fetal alcohol syndrome, manifesting in their stunted growth, ADHD, and Aaron’s dyslexia. Erin had developed a nicotine addiction as well. It wasn’t until after Aaron had found out about his twin that Tilda had told him this. 

“I didn’t even want you,” Tilda mused as she took another swig from her whiskey bottle. “I wanted Erin but your names sound so similar that the shitty ass nurse fucked up and gave me the wrong one. You never stood a chance with me,” she said. “I was never going to love you.” Tilda swung the bottle at the side of Aaron’s head. It connected with his skull and rattled his brain but it wasn’t enough to dislodge the words from it. 

Aaron pressed his forehead up to the mirror. Up to Erin’s forehead. 

“Do you know why Mom doesn’t love us?” he whispered. “It’s because no one loved her. No one but Dad but he’s long gone. It’s his fault, you know? Luther’s, I mean. Mom is the way she is because her own brother didn’t love her enough. He didn’t love her enough to let her stay once she got pregnant. He didn’t love her enough to help her take care of us. He didn’t love her enough to protect you.” Tears slid down Aaron’s face as his grip on the mirror’s frame tightened. “Luther might not have loved his sister, but I’ll love you til the day I die.” Looking in the mirror, Aaron saw himself again but it wasn’t the same Aaron he’d grown accustomed to seeing. This one had fire. This one had fight. This one would protect his sister, no matter the cost. This one was going to save his sister from devolving into the monster their mother had become. 

That Aaron failed. Erin was just as cold and empty as their mother had been. That Aaron failed. Erin was forced to face Drake all on her own. Every night, he lay awake wondering what horrors his sister faced behind the pristine white walls of Easthaven. No amount of kisses and cuddles from Katelyn were enough to bury the weight of Aaron’s broken promise. Guilt and regret intertwined, winding around Aaron and choking the life out of him. He broke down constantly, reduced to a sobbing mess by the weight of his woes. 

Aaron loved his sister more than life itself. Erin was indifferent to him. Upon her return from Evermore, she hadn’t even spared him a passing glance. Instead, she’d fixated upon the child Josten had brought home. Aaron had never expected his sister to fawn over him. It wasn’t in her nature. Or so he had thought. It was because of this that Aaron couldn’t help the spike of jealousy that shot through him as he watched his sister’s shoulders soften when she held the baby. He could barely contain the scowl he felt tugging at his lips as Erin brushed her lips against the backs of Cleo’s hands.

Cradling Cleo close he asked her, “What makes you so special? I know why Erin lets Ania have what she wants but what about you? You’re just a baby. I’m her _brother_. Am I not good enough for her?” Tears splashed down onto Cleo’s face and he hurried to wipe them off of her. As he did, he felt Cleo’s tiny hand wrap around his little finger. It was just barely big enough to encircle the single finger. “Oh,” he said. “That’s why.” He sat down on the couch and lay Cleo in his lap. She looked up at him curiously before her face split into a wide grin. “No wonder Mom wanted a daughter.” Cleo babbled at him and he chuckled softly. “You’re right. Maybe Luther was jealous too. I won’t be like him,” he swore again. “I’m not going to abandon Erin. Or you either.” 

Aaron loved his sister more than life itself. If Josten made her happy, then so be it. If Cleo was the one she showered with love, then fine. But a small part of him wasn’t fine. Erin didn’t love him. His sister, his own flesh and blood, didn’t love him. It left a hole in his heart, one that even Katelyn couldn’t fill. Aaron hadn’t known what he’d have to give up to Katelyn but what he did was far worse than anything he could have imagined. There weren’t enough words in any language to express the anguish that washed over Aaron when Erin had picked Ania over him. He’d used Josten as bait for Erin to break her promise but a small part of him had wanted her to refuse. He’d wanted Erin to pick him over her. He’d wanted Erin to do the unthinkable and tell him that she loved him more than she wanted Ania. He’d wanted her to wrap her arms around him and hold him close. 

He wanted her to hold him the way she held him now as she carried him to the front door. Josten was already unlocking the door. She turned at the sound of Erin’s footsteps. A bright smile of her own burst out across her face. 

“Shut up, Ania,” Erin swore. 

“Haven’t said a thing,” Josten replied. She pushed open the door and let Erin pass. “Erin?” she asked as she followed them into the house. “Why do you only do these things when Aaron’s drunk?” To anyone else, it may have seemed like an innocent question. To Erin though? Getting anything from her was like pulling teeth. For half a second, Aaron didn’t expect her to answer. Then he remembered that it was Josten asking not him. A pang of bitterness pierced his heart as he felt his sister’s chest swell at the intake of a breath. 

“Because he’s nice to me,” she said. Aaron’s head jerked up but Erin wasn’t paying attention. She’d stopped walking. Her eyes were trained on a spot on the wall. “After I killed Tilda, he stopped talking to me entirely. Aaron loved Tilda, even if she didn’t deserve to be loved, and I took her away. I hate when you say you’re fine because that’s what I told myself whenever he ignored me. I told myself that I didn’t care. I did. Aaron’s favorite color is navy blue. Half of my closet is navy blue. Aaron’s favorite song is Young Blood. It’s on every one of my cassette tapes in the car. I hate cool ranch chips but I buy three bags everytime I go to the store because Aaron loves them. Tilda didn’t deserve Aaron’s love but he loved her anyway. I don’t deserve Aaron’s love either. I-” A shaky breath rattled through Erin. “I just wanted him to love me too.” 

“I do,” Aaron blurted out. Erin snapped out of her trance at the sound of his voice. 

“You’re not drunk,” she said. Her voice was dangerously quiet. Her eyes were dark and stony but this time Aaron didn’t look away. The longer he stared, the more apparent it was to him that they weren’t empty. Staring into them, he saw something flickering deep down inside. 

The truth about cameras is that they don’t steal your soul. They show you yours. No matter how perfect a picture may seem to others, when a person looked too hard at their own, they saw what lurked beneath. It wasn’t that Erin had their mother’s eyes. It was that she had his. When Aaron looked too hard at his sister’s eyes, he saw too much of himself. He saw the sad, empty creature he’d become. He saw the defeated, lonely creature he still was. Most people hailed Aaron as ‘the normal twin’, the Dr. Jekyll to her Mr. Hyde. No one realized how wrong they were. 

Erin was a fatalist at heart. To her, everything, every single thing, was predetermined. If the world believed her to be a monster, then that was what she’d be. She played her part and lived exactly the way people thought she would. It was all an act though. Behind every one of Erin’s monstrous acts, was a lonely little girl trying her hardest not to get left behind again. 

Unlike his sister, Aaron didn’t believe in fate. Every man made his own way in life, no matter the circumstances he faced to make it there. If that was true, then didn’t that make Aaron responsible for all the things that he’d done? Growing up, Aaron had done many things he wasn’t proud of. It didn’t matter who suffered so long as it wasn’t Aaron. If there was no fate, then wasn’t Aaron responsible for all the people he’d hurt? It wasn’t Erin who was a monster. I was him. When Aaron looked too hard at his sister’s eyes, he was forced to face the monster he had become and it scared him. 

Aaron felt the support go out from under him and he hit the floor, hard. Erin spun on her heel and shoved past Josten. Neither of them moved until they heard the door to her bedroom slam shut. 

“I told you so,” Josten whispered. There were tears shining in her eyes. “It’s over, isn’t it?” she asked herself. 

“What do you mean?” Aaron asked. 

“I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone about this and now… she’ll never trust me again.” Her voice broke. 

“Ania-”

“Don’t, Aaron.” She turned on her heel and marched out of the house, nearly knocking over Kevin who was dragging Nicky in. 

“What the hell have you done to her?” Kevin snarled. Just the sight of a teary-eyed Josten was enough to sober him up. He abandoned Nicky and closed the space between himself and Aaron in the blink of an eye. Balling his fist in Aaron’s shirt, he shoved him against the wall. “I’m not asking again, Aaron.” _This is what a brother should be_ , Aaron thought.

When Ania first arrived at Palmetto a year ago, she and Kevin were always at odds. No matter what she did, it was never enough for him. But that was because he knew she could be better. Nicky had made the mistake of mocking her once and Kevin and slammed him against the wall just as he held Aaron now. Erin intervened quickly, breaking them apart with a poisonous smile and a flash of steel but one thing remained: Kevin Day, a man afraid of his own shadow, hadn’t hesitated to square up the second someone dissed Ania. And that was before he’d found out who she really was.

Kevin and Ania weren’t bound by blood the way the twins were. They’d chosen each other. Ania had chosen to follow Kevin out to Palmetto and Kevin had chosen to have her back. But hadn’t the twins done the same thing. Erin chose to move to Columbia and Aaron had chosen to protect her. Why had they failed where Kevin and Ania had succeeded? The two of them were just as broken as the twins. In fact, they were worse. Ania had lived her life in the shadows, jumping ship the second anyone started to get too close. Kevin had lived his life in the limelight, denied anything even resembling a friend. 

Even without knowing her, Kevin had looked upon the wretched creature that had been Ania Josten and wanted to offer her a future. He had wanted to offer her something to live for. Kevin would never be able to love Ania the way she needed to be but he wanted to give her the chance at a life where she could find someone who could. 

And he did. Kevin brought Ania to Palmetto and gave her a reason to keep going. He brought her to Erin, someone who could care for her the way she needed to be cared for. But what had Aaron done for his sister? He’d pushed her away the second things got hard. He’d denied her of the love he’d promised himself he’d give. He’d made her lonely. 

“How?” he croaked. “How do you do it?” Kevin frowned and his grip loosened.

“How what?” he asked.

“How do you always know what Ania needs?” Aaron had seen the way Ania ran to Kevin the second things fell apart. Too many times, he’d come back to the dorms to find her breaking down in Kevin’s arms. Each time he’d watched Kevin swaddle her shaking form in blankets and offer her things: a cassette player with only one tape, a bowl of vanilla ice cream drowning in chocolate syrup, his laptop with an exy game already loaded. 

During Erin’s time at Easthaven, Aaron had found himself craving the smell of cigarette smoke. He wasn’t a smoker but the smell reminded him of Erin. One night, he finally caved and dragged himself to the corner store. He returned with a pack of cigarettes and another pint of strawberry ice cream. Everytime Aaron passed by the corner store, he picked one up. He never ate a single one, though. Opening the fridge door, he realized there wasn’t any space left. Every inch of his fridge was filled with pints of strawberry ice cream. 

_It should be empty. The fridge should be empty._ His breath came in short, ragged gasps. Aaron didn’t know when the tears started or how long he’d stayed knelt in front of the open fridge, only that Ania kicked it closed before sitting down on top of it. 

“There isn’t enough strawberry ice cream in the world to fix her,” she said. She handed him a tissue box and waited for him to blow his nose.

“Then what will?’ he asked. 

“That’s for you to figure out,” Ania said before unplugging the fridge. That was what Kevin said before he let go of Aaron entirely. With that, he left Aaron alone in the kitchen so he could lug Nicky up to his own room. 

Aaron sat heavily in one of the dining room chairs, picking at the table mats. It was early the next morning when he finally decided what to do. Actually he didn’t decide. He just kind of stood up and started for the stairs. He didn’t even remember taking a single step. One moment he was at the kitchen table, the next he was standing in front of Erin’s door. He reached a hand out, tracing the letters on the door. The memory hit Aaron like a train. 

It had been a week after Erin had arrived in Columbia. Aaron’s name was already on the door and he had wanted to add hers to it too. Ever since he’d been old enough, Aaron had been working part time just to keep himself and Tilda fed. In the months before Erin was set to come home, he’d picked up extra shifts to scrounge up the money he needed. With it, it went to the crafts store on the rich part of town. He picked out the four letters he needed and bought the highest quality paints he could find. On Friday, after practice, he’d broken into their mother’s liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels. Downing a swig, he found the courage to present his haul to Erin. It took some coaxing but he managed to convince her to sit on the floor with him on a pile of newspaper. Together the two of them painted the wooden letters black. Once they were dry, Aaron watched as his sister painted constellations onto them. 

“What’s that one?” he asked.

“Gemini,” she replied. 

“Astrology,” Aaron said as he crinkled his nose in disgust. Erin glanced at him, her lips just barely curling up. 

“Have you ever heard the story of Pollux and Castor?” she asked.

“No,” he replied.

“They were two brothers, twins, from Greek Mythology. They did everything together,” Erin said softly. “The two of them couldn’t live without each other. So, when Castor lay dying, Pollux called out to his father for help. Zeus saw his son’s pain and offered him a way to save his brother. Zeus offered Pollux the ability to share his immortality with his brother. Doing so would mean that neither of them could live normal lives again. They would no longer live here on Earth and they’d only have each other as company. Pollux agreed immediately. To him, his brother was more important than anything else in the world. So, Zeus turned the brothers into stars. Together, the two of them live side by side in the sky.”

“Wouldn’t you get lonely if you had only one person to talk to?” Aaron asked. 

“Not if it was you,” Erin replied. With that she picked up the letters and moved them to the desk beneath the window. The two of them climbed into their respectives beds and fell asleep. 

Aaron took a deep breath and knocked softly at his sister’s door. He stood there, his heart hammering in his chest. What if she didn’t answer? Aaron took a deep breath. He’d just try again later. Ania was right. What they’d done tonight had betrayed a great deal of Erin’s trust in them. If she didn’t answer, it was because he’d hurt her, just like he always did when he was sober. Aaron leaned his forehead against the door. “I’m sorry, Eri,” he whispered. Just then the door opened and Aaron toppled forward again. Erin neatly sidestepped his falling form, but caught him with an outstretched arm. “Eri-” he began. He stopped short, realizing he didn’t know what to say.

Erin gave up waiting for him. She righted him and stepped back. Aaron took it as an invitation and entered her room. Aaron had never been inside his sister’s room. In the pale glow of the first rays of sunlight, he saw the dead roses suspended from her ceiling. A thousand photos covered the surface of the memory. Upon closer inspection, he found that they were pictures of the Monsters. There was one of Nicky smiling brighter than the sun as Erik pressed a kiss to his cheek. There was one of Aaron shoving Matt, the two of them smiling. There was one of Wymack with his head resting on Abby’s shoulder. There was one of Bee dressed up as a bumble bee. There were a lot of photos of Ania. One of them had been kissed with black lipstick. Erin was the only Fox that owned black lipstick. As Aaron inspected them he was aware of Erin at his back. 

“There aren’t any with us in it,” he said as he dragged his fingers over them.

“Yes, there is.” Erin wrapped her hand around his wrist and guided it to one all the way in the bottom corner. It’s sides were crinkled from being taken out and replaced too many times. There was a fold down the center from when it was been folded in half, probably placed between the folds of a book. 

It was a photo featuring a pair of babies. Both of them had wispy blonde hair, most of which had been tucked beneath a little beanie. They were dressed in matching white onesies patterned with little sharks. They were two perfect, identical little babies. Erin laced her fingers through Aaron’s and he suddenly saw it. The two babies were holding hands too. Eyes closed, unable to even see one another, they taken hold of each other’s hands. Babies didn’t have much strength, but the two of them were clinging to one another like their lives depended on it. 

“Eri-” he croaked. 

“Yes or no?” she asked. 

“Yes,” he said. Erin turned him to face her. She wrapped an arm around him and drew him close. Tentatively, he wrapped his own arms around her. “Erin?” he asked softly. She pulled back just enough to look at him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t better.”

“You were the best,” she said. “You still are.” For once, Erin’s eyes weren’t empty or angry. Instead, they were hard. Resolute. If anyone else had said it, Aaron wouldn’t have believed it. Erin wasn’t a liar. Every word she said, she meant. 

“I can be better,” he offered. He watched as she worked her jaw, searching for what to say. 

“I think I can be, too,” she said. Time seemed to stop. Aaron watched as the smallest of smiles tinged his sister’s lips. The rays of the rising sun filtered through Erin’s thick curtains, illuminating the fading freckles that danced across her face, forming constellations of their own. It turned her pale hair, bound in a messy bun atop her head, into a halo of pure gold. Erin might have been dressed as an angel last night, but she looked more like one now than she had then. 


	2. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erin still hasn't forgiven Ania for telling Aaron and Ania is in pain

Ania was cold. So, so cold. Tugging the oversized jacket tight around herself wouldn’t help but she did it anyway. It was Kevin’s jacket, stolen fresh from the dryer, but the heat had long since faded. Ahead of her, she heard the excited chatter of her teammates. Today they were playing Vanderbilt. Usually, they didn’t present much of a challenge, but they’d yet to lose a game this year. The Foxes were ready to be their first. Despite the rowdiness of the front of the bus, a heavy silence had settled over the back two seats. 

It had been nearly two weeks since Halloween and the twins had many a startling amount of progress in the time. Just this afternoon Ania had watched Erin paint her brother’s nails black to match her own. Two days ago, the two of them returned from a session with Dobson, both smiling, or as close to a smile as Erin ever got. 

Seeing Erin smile at her brother had lit Ania up. That was until Erin’s gaze drifted over to her. Immediately, Erin’s face shuttered and her eyes grew dark and empty. As she passed by, she didn’t spare Ania even a passing glance. During scrimmages, she didn’t even attempt to block a single one of Ania shots. Wymack eventually tired of Erin’s petulance and switched the teams, forcing the two of them onto the same team. It didn’t solve much. Erin was far more likely to send her rebounds right into the opposing backliners’ net than to Ania. 

With Erin and Ania unable to pull together enough to present a united front, the rest of the Monsters were having to pull more weight than usual. With Aaron and Nicky working to hold the defense line, there weren’t as many shots fired on goal. The ones that did make it past them were deflected with ease and sent straight to Kevin. As the only other striker, Ania still played whole games but her frustration with Erin’s instance on dragging their fight onto the court made her sloppy. She was missing more shots than usual, tripping over her own feet, and miscalculating her odds. Kevin wasn’t amused. He’d tried to intervene only to return with a bloody nose. 

Ania’s heart ached at that. Kevin had fled from Nest to the Foxhole Court in search of protection. Erin had offered it to him without hesitation, never once failing him. Until Ania arrived, at least. When Ania had disappeared after the Beckenridge game, Erin’s grief had been violent. She’d knocked Kevin off his feet and choked him so hard that bruises bloomed across his throat almost immediately. It had taken four people to drag her off of him, and even then she’d gone kicking and screaming bloody murder, cursing Kevin’s name. Ania’s very existence had been a source of friction between the two of them but, in that moment, Kevin had been betrayed by the one person he’d truly trusted. No one ever spoke of the incident again but Ania could see the effect it had had on Kevin. 

Ania had been the source of Riko’s misery, plaguing her dreams and haunting her with all that might have been. Each time Riko’s grief overwhelmed her, she’d sated herself by making Kevin’s life infinitely worse than her own. It was Riko’s insane elation at the return of Ania that left Jeanie to care for Cleo on her own. It was Ania’s closeness to Erin that resulted in Riko’s jealousy. Had Ania not been at Palmetto, Riko never would have brought Drake to Columbia. 

Ania shut her eyes against the thought only to find the memory imprinted onto the backs of her lids. Today marked exactly one year since Erin’s rematch against Drake. Wrapping her arms around her now shaking form, Ania did her best to even out her ragged breathing as quietly as possible. If Erin could hear Ania’s narrowly averted panic attack, she did nothing about it.

As the panic subsided, Ania felt infinitely lonelier at the thought of Erin leaving her to fend off the attack on her own. She pulled the collar of the jacket up around her neck, nestling into it in the hopes of getting some sleep. She hadn’t managed to snag more than a few hours of sleep each night for the last two weeks. Trying to sleep now wasn’t any easier. The entire team knew about Erin and Ania. No longer needing to hide their relationship, the two of them had taken to sharing seats on the bus. Oftentimes, Erin sat with her back to the window, stretched out across the seat so that Ania could sleep atop her. Without Erin’s body heat, the cold of the bus’s metal frame bit into Ania’s skin. No matter how she lay, Ania was all too aware of how alone she was. 

The bus ground to a halt and Wymack barked something to the Foxes about their ridiculous eating habits before ushering them off the bus. Ania unfurled herself and climbed out of her seat. They’d stopped at a family run italian restaurant for dinner. A rather long table extended across the length of the room against the farthest wall. The waiter beelined for it, forcing the Foxes to follow. Erin chose the corner seat of the booth, giving her a clear view of the door. By the will of whatever demonic entity set to make every waking moment of Ania’s life a misery, Ania was shoved down beside her. 

Dinner took just over an hour. Those of the team seated in the booth half of the table, were packed in tighter than sardines in a can. Even so, Erin managed to keep a sliver of space between her and Ania. It was as close as the two of them had been in a while but it felt like the furthest. Ania could feel the warmth of Erin’s body heat. Like a moth drawn to an open flame, Ania kept drifting closer, barely catching herself in time to avoid getting burned. Ania wrapped her fingers around the beveled edge of her seat. She craved the feeling of Erin’s hand in hers so much so that she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Shutting her eyes, she tried to focus on the rest of the Foxes’ conversations. She felt her nails pierce the leather of the booth. 

A cold hand settled atop hers and her eyes shot open. Turning to her left, she saw that Kevin was still engaged in his conversation with Dan. Catching her look, Kevin smiled at her. It was a sad, soft thing that wobbled at the ends. Forcing her hand open, she turned her palm up to let him lace his fingers through hers. Kevin’s hands were far larger than Erin’s, the fingers longer and less skeletal but just as cold. 

_ Your hands are cold but you’re heart is gold,  _ Ania thought to herself. She gave him a smile that she knew was just as watery. Beneath the table, she felt him give her hand a squeeze. It wasn’t Erin’s but, right now, Ania needed something, anything to keep her from going insane. 

The Foxes trooped back onto the bus and returned to their seats for the last half an hour of their trip. Tugging the notebook from her bag, Ania flipped through the notes Kevin had handed her last week. She traced the plays with her index finger, running them through a gauntlet of possible scenarios but it was useless. Ania wasn’t like Kevin. She couldn’t predict her opponents movements from here. She needed to be on the court, in the thick of the play. Shutting the notebook, she took a deep breath as the stadium rolled into sight. 

Ania lifted two fingers to her neck. In the crook just beneath her jaw she could feel the thrumming of her pulse. Adrenaline had started seeping into her bloodstream. A smile twisted her mouth. Hauling herself from her seat, she was the first off the bus. Taking her place beside Dan, she accepted her gear from Abby. 

“Ania-” she started. 

“I’m fine,” she countered. Abby gave her a disapproving look but the sharp smile on Ania’s face stopped any further prodding. Descending into the locker room, Ania forced everything else out of her mind. All that mattered was the game. She’d fought so hard for this. She disobeyed her mother, risked attracting the attention of her father, survived Riko and the mafia all for the game. 

Changing into her gear didn’t take long. She didn’t even bother changing in the stalls. Everyone already knew. Everyone had already seen. Nothing mattered. Nothing but the game. In the common room, Ania felt a buzzing beneath her skin. Flashing a smile at Kevin, she earned herself a half-hearted shove and a brilliant smile. 

Wymack called for the Foxes to line up and Ania headed to the front so she could walk beside Dan. The two of them led their Foxes up the stairs only to be nearly knocked off their feet by the cheers that greeted them. One half of the stadium was packed with screaming fans, all dressed in orange and white. 

Running warm-up laps around the court, Ania let herself trade jokes back and forth with Oliver. Passing the opposing team on one of the rounds, Ania stumbled. Falling to her knees, she looked up to find a familiar face sneering at her. 

“Oh, Josten,” a voice purred. “You look so good on your knees.” Every part of Ania’s brain screamed for her to move but her limbs refused. Frozen in fear, Ania couldn’t even bring herself to say a thing. How had they missed this? Why hadn’t they known he’d be here? Ania didn’t know. All she could do was stare up at the face of Chris Slater, ex-captain of the Millport Dingoes. He took a step towards her, his smile widening. “What a mess they’ve made of your lovely face. It doesn’t look very much like the Ania I knew but I’d still fuck it.” 

All of the memories swept over Ania, late nights getting dragged behind the bleachers or thrown against the concrete walls, treated as nothing more than a blow-up doll. Ania couldn’t remember very much about those nights. All she could remember was the nails biting into her skin, the cool press of the wall against her bare body, and the hot tears trekking steadily down her face. 

No, those weren’t just a memory. Tears were now flowing fast and freely down Ania’s face. 

“Aw, sweetheart,” Slater crooned as he took another step towards her. Suddenly, a body blocked Ania’s view. The stadium lights were positioned directly in front of them, leaving their back in shadows but Ania recognized Erin’s form. 

“You’d think a SEC school would think twice before placing a registered sex offender on their line, especially one that had raped someone so well known,” she drawled. Ania heard Slater snarl.

“Stay out of this, whore,” he snapped. Ania was on her feet, rounding Erin in a split second. She’d swung before she’d even realized that she was up at all. Pain rocketed up her arm as her fist met his jaw. 

“Don’t ever talk to her like that again.” Ania’s voice broke with emotion. As she looked at Slater, cowering on the ground she found that her fear had fled her. In its place her fury threatened to raze everything to the ground. Just then, the coaches arrived to seperate them. Ania was led to the court and sent to warm-up with Kevin, Erin at her heels. 

“Can you play?” he asked, without turning to look at her. 

“Of course I can,” she snarled. Kevin cast her a glance. “We’re going to kick his ass.” At that Kevin looked behind her. Ania turned to watch Erin’s lips curl into a poisonous smile. Her brother and cousin flanked her now, looking every bit as monstrous as Erin. 

Vanderbilt won the coin toss so they had first serve. Their dealer sent the ball all the way down the court, their strikers chasing it. None of the foxes moved. Aaron sidestepped Slater, giving him a perfect shot at the goal. All too wrapped up in the thrill of the game, Slater didn’t notice that none of the other Foxes had moved an inch. Aiming his shot at the lower corner of the goal, he turned. His cockiness won him the chance to watch his team get scored on . Erin had begun moving before he’d even shot. She was midswing when the ball came within range. Her racquet collided with the ball so hard the sound echoed through the court. It shot down the length of the court, narrowly missing the goalkeeper’s head. Red lights flared to life around the goal. Less than two minutes in and Erin had scored the first goal of the night. 

“Not bad for a whore, no?” Erin called. Ania’s smile returned in full force. 

Every one of Ania’s Foxes rallied around her, throwing their all into the game. After that first shot, Slater never made it within shooting distance of the goal again. Whatever shots were made, rebounded off his helmet or were returned at his feet. The final buzzer sounded on Vanderbilt’s first loss of the year with the largest point margin in Exy history. 

The Foxes filed off the court without the customary post-game handshake but no one stopped them. Wymack sent them to shower and change without too much griping. Ania sat heavily on one of the benches as she waited for the others to finish. All the adrenaline from the game had faded, leaving her legs too weak for her to stand. She’d shower once she was no longer at risk of collapsing. 

“I should have seen that coming,” Wymack said. “I don’t know how the hell I managed to miss it at all.” Anger was written into every crevice of his face. 

“It’s alright,” Ania insisted. “I’m fine.” 

“It’s not alright,” Abby replied. She looked every bit as furious as Wymack did. Ania laid her hand atop Abby’s. 

“We won, didn’t we?” she asked, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Neither of them replied. “Then it’s fine.” The two of them exchanged a look. They’re shoulders sagged as they sighed in unison. Ania laughed. 

“It won’t happen again,” Wymack promised. Abby wrapped an arm around Ania’s shoulders and hugged her close. 

It didn’t take long for the girls to return. All of them filed out, smiling at Ania, even Sheena. All of them but Erin. As Ania stepped into the shower room, she found Erin leaning against one of the walls. 

“Someone had to make sure you didn’t collapse in here,” she replied. She kept her voice empty but her gaze remained on Ania. 

“Thank you for your concern but I’m fine.” Erin’s mouth turned down. 

“If you’re using that word colloquially, then sure, you’re fine. However, if you mean you’re okay, then forgive me for not trusting you,” she spat. Ania flinched at the that. The words stung Ania worse than any form of physical torture she’d ever been subjected it. Silence enveloped the two of them as Erin fought to regain control of her emotions. 

“If you’re expecting an apology, you came to the wrong place,” Ania said finally. With that she marched past her towards the showers. Shucking her clothes across the floor behind her, she wrenched the tap on. Hot water poured from the shower head. Bless the girls’ souls for leaving some hot water for her. 

Beneath the spray of the shower, Ania lost herself in her thoughts. Ania was gasoline and she'd split too many times; around her a fire was constantly raging. Everything she'd ever loved caught fire, burning until there was nothing left. A part of her had always known that, sooner or later, Erin was going to get burnt. But to gain a scar was better than to lose a life. Kevin and Jeanie were covered in the scars of Ania’s love. 

But Erin? Erin was already covered in scars. So many people had pushed her away and hurt her. Her mother had abandoned her. Her uncle hadn’t trusted her. Her aunt hadn’t been strong enough to stand up to her husband and protect her. Aaron and Nicky were all Erin had left. For the longest time, survival was the only thing that mattered to Ania. Then it was Exy. But now? The truth was, no matter how far down she tried to shove it down, Erin mattered too. 

“Why?” Erin asked. She was much closer now. Ania turned to look at her.

“He didn’t believe you loved him,” Ania said. “I had to prove him wrong.” 

“No you didn’t,” Erin replied. 

“Yes, I did,” Ania insisted. Stepping out of the spray, she stood in front of Erin. Staring into her eyes, Ania saw the sea of emotions churning behind them. Erin Jude Minyard was not as empty as everyone said she was. Erin was so full of love; so full of life. She just didn’t love know how to love like everyone else did. She didn’t know how to live like everyone else. And she deserved to. Erin wasn’t any less deserving of love than anyone else was. All alone, Erin worked so damn hard to get better but it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t be enough until other people saw it. It wouldn’t be enough until Aaron saw it. “You can’t get better until you heal your relationship with Aaron. I don’t care about Aaron. I care about you. Erin, I  **love** you.” 

“Ye-”

“Yes,” Ania hissed. She felt Erin’s lips crash against hers. A sob broke from Ania. She let Erin push her up against the wall. Every inch of skin that Erin pressed up against came alive. Behind her, Ania felt the cool press of concrete against her bare body but it didn’t scare her the way it once did. Ania knew Erin wouldn’t hurt her. She knew if she wanted, Erin would stop. Ania didn’t want to stop. Instead, she hooked her fingers through the loops of Erin’s jeans, trying to tug her closer. More. More. Ania wanted- needed more. 

“Waist up,” Erin mumbled against her lips. Ania immediately wound an arm around Erin’s waist, the other fisting in her hair. She tore herself from Erin’s lips. Fervently, she kissed over every inch of exposed skin, reveling in the way Erin’s breath hitched when she nipped at her neck. Ania felt Erin start to pull away. 

“Don’t leave!” she cried. She heard the desperation in her own voice but she didn’t care. Opening her eyes, she saw the pain flash across Erin’s features. Ania watched the way her shoulders sagged and brow softened. 

“I won’t,” Erin whispered. “Never again,” she promised, sealing it with another kiss. On the bus on the way home, Erin sat with her back to the window and her legs stretched out across the seat so Ania could lay atop her. Ania slept well for the first time in nearly two weeks. 


End file.
